Of possibly Murdered Seasame Street characters
by Kalivax
Summary: The horrors of boyfriends with hobbies...now Vincent and Zexion want to know who to blame...[Crossover with FFVII.][Zemyx, VincentReno, light SoraRiku...and others...] AUish.


I have no idea how this drabble sprang forth--only that it's was here and queer--so I got used to it. It's the standard Slash--Zemyx and Vincent/Reno (why don't they get a handy cutesy abbriviation, yo?). It's also got hints of DiZ/Xenohart(cause nothing screams old pervert than having a huge mural of your assitant), Marluxia/Xaldin (that was mostly for a cheap giggle), and very light Sora/Riku...I guess this falls under the whole AU-crossover but not really...but don't let me deterr you any longer--enjoy!

Discalimer: --Blows a raspbery--Stop reminding me that I don't have legal possesion of Axel and Demyx!--dodges Xigbar, Zexion, and Roxas--I was just kidding! Yahhh! Ouch! Zexiooonnnn!

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**Of (possibly!) Murdered Seasame Characters and Matching O****utfits**...

Vincent has decided--his mental state has actually worsened due to a certain obnoxious red-head. This has got to be one of the stupidest ideas that he'd ever come up with--scratch that--this was the stupidest idea that his supposed 'significant' other had ever come up with--and that was including the one time he attempted to hold two elephants and an a midget clown for ransom when the circus came into town.

He's still scrubbing the stains from the carpet.

"Aww--What's the matter with it?" Reno whines, as he crosses his arms with an almost childish scowl as he proudly displays his work. Next to him, his minion fellow idiot friend, Demyx brightly helps him showcase it.

It **_was_** a sweater--or it should've been a sweater...it looked decidedly more like the Cookie Monster had been strangled, his skin and organs harvested and then slowly, oh slowly, torn apart to the point of dear sweet pity that struck who-ever saw it--then haphazardly put back together.

Damn these two getting hobbies--who the hell tried to make them domesticated?!

And the worst part of that monstrosity--is that they'd made matching shorts--with embellishments (which consisted of badly cut pink flowers or buzz saws and random neon beading--that looked almost like a phallic symbol of sorts--he wouldn't put it past them).

Of course, because they'd labored so hard on it--for some un-godly reason--they expected **_him_** to wear it. Which caused Vincent to raise a look to possibly the only sane one in the room--Zexion shared his same reaction of quiet disbelief and horror.

What was supposed to be a quiet outing--was starting to turn to something worse.

"Don't worry Zexy baby!" Demyx deliberately mis-interpreting Zexion's reactions as he produced what in a former life may have been Elmo...ok, maybe Elmo's half-deformed brother that had been holed up in the basement somewhere...feeding on children or something...

"You aren't serious." It was said in more of a tone of wishful thinking, "you are just kidding."

"Why? We worked hard on them!"

Vincent and Zexion exchanged glances then Vincent prompted, "Are you even sure that we can fit in...those?" He refused to call those **_things_**(interchangeable with: abominations, monstrosities, murdered mascots) clothing.

"Of course!" Reno cast a look at him as if he was the one who produced the massacred remains of Cookie Monster...outfit...and had the sanity to see it's madness, shaking his head, "what do you think all that stuff with the tape measure was about?"

Zexion set a almost mocking raise of his eyebrow upon him.

"You said all those marks were from someone shrinking your favorite shirt without telling you." Which Zexion had believed with all the fervor of someone who'd been exposed to too many old crotchety men in the closet...uh-huh, yeaahhh, sure it's totally normal to have that big a painting of an assistant for the sake of platonic relationships and admiration...totally normal...now stop staring at his ass in front of you and pay attention to the reports on your desk...

Zexion shook his head to chase away further un-wanted mental images.

Vincent next to him, was trying his best not to burst a blood vessel as the two before him began to whine and moan--feeling hurt.

"We worked for weeks on them!" Reno cried, as if he was some great tragic hero who had just found out for the past few years, not only had he been screwing his mom for the past few years, but he's the one that killed old dad, "we went out and got patterns, looked for ages for the right materials, spent the last of my ransom money--" Vincent twitched at that and Zexion had the decency to cough in his hand, "--on knitting needles and sewing machines (the shorts are a little thick--heh--really, thick) and even went so far as to go steal Marluxia's prized flowers so we could get the shape and size of the flowers right--"

"--that and he still owes us for ratting you out on the ransom bit," Demyx added, his lamenting almost worse, as he was now lying on the floor, in classic tragic stance, arm over his eyes, face downcast, "we almost got mauled by rottwielers for that one--"

"--I never knew that Xaldin had taken a liking to them--"

"--I never knew that Marluxia had taken a liking to **_him_**..."

"--Beauty and the Beast, huh?" Demyx snickered as he pictured Marluxia in Belle's yellow gown and Xigbar in the Beast's typical blue evening coat, their two boyfriends who'd been observing from the sidelines were now effectively losing pity--and were getting more on the annoyed side.

Reno, however continued on with his listing of great trials, his mood once again horribly pitiful: "After we almost got eaten, we braved the dreaded wrath of Sephiroth and bugged him how to get the beading just right--"

"--because pretty boys like him always have hobbies!" Demyx piped for clarification, nodding for emphasis, now taking the silent cue to continue, "after that we slaved over the very, very, dangerous house of Roxas and Sora because it turns out that Sephiroth was an exception to that rule and it was actually Riku whose the craftsman of the family--"

"--no, we left because Sephiroth's brother Kudaj was playing with lasers again and kept shooting us in the eyes--"

"Fine!"

Both story-tellers/craftsmen jumped, as Vincent exhaling to calm down responded: "We'll wear the sweaters but not the shorts."

"Aww--but they're a set--"

"Think about it, those are revealing, do you want other people to see Vincent in them?" Reno looked abashed at such a wicked thought--it changed his mood immediately and Zexion wondered why they didn't do this earlier.

"They're right, we can't let others see what's only ours!" Reno shouted, fisting the air, then however, he paused, and gave Demyx a wicked glance, "we could always have them wear **_those_**..."

"--but they aren't done!" the blond counter part protested--and once again, Zexion and Vincent were hit with twin waves of fore-boding.

"They're good enough--" Turning from his partner, he beamed at Vincent, "actually, Vinny, baby, we have something else that matches the sweaters..."

To his credit, Sora did not burst into laughter like the hostess did, when he appeared with the menus. He took one glance at the boa-like scarves with matching huge plastic butterflies on gigantic pink felt flowers. He did not fall down in practically shaking in mirth like the other waiters had as soon as they'd passed by as he took in the sweaters, very calmly and almost eerily he gave Reno and Demyx a huge toothy grin: "I see you had fun with the project book I lent you."

---owari--

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Ohh, twist! Ok, not really, but hey it was fun, right? ReViEw if ya love! Next time I promise to have Leon...and Try really hard to get him, he isn't as fun to write as Demyx and Axel--but I'll try...mebbe finally get my OTP of Sora/Leon...though everytime that ends in Sora/Riku and Leon/Cloud...haven't the foggiest why...guess it's a sign...though I like my uncrowded Sora/Leon ship, there's ample room to set out a towel and tan and play shuffle board...the Sora/Riku ship is so crowded that I can only get my tan by tilting my head in certain angles...it's so cute though...--totally ignores that her betas are laughing and waiting for her to convert to Sora/Riku fully--...Gaahh...anyway--please Review if ya liked it! --Looks up hopefull-- 


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